Why Your Coaching Isn’t Working: Solutions for Better Sessions
Why Your Coaching Isn’t Working: Solutions for Better Sessions
06-Sept-2024
By
Sony Thomas
Imagine a room filled with the promise of transformation: a coach and a client sit across from each other, the air pulsing with anticipation. They are on the brink of a breakthrough, their collaboration ripe with potential. Yet, weeks later, the promise remains unfulfilled, the breakthrough unrealised. Why?
As a seasoned coach, this confounding yet familiar scenario propelled me to delve deep into the mysteries behind such stagnation. Through this exploration, I've gained insights that have profoundly transformed both my coaching approach and the outcomes of my sessions.
This blog is tailored for anyone curious about personal coaching—whether you're considering hiring a coach, currently engaging with one, or simply seeking to understand how effective coaching can dramatically transform lives.
Challenges in coaching partnerships often stem from a fundamental misunderstanding of what coaching is intended to achieve. This realisation spurred me to address one of the most common yet overlooked pitfalls in coaching: the misapplication of the coaching model itself.
Misapplication of the Coaching Model
Early in my coaching career, I met "Sarah," who grappled with issues that extended beyond the typical scope of a coaching partnership. It quickly became apparent that Sarah needed more than coaching; she required counselling to navigate her emotional challenges before she could benefit from coaching techniques. With my background in psychology and counselling, I initially helped her address these emotional issues.
However, I soon realised there were more effective approaches than blending counselling and coaching for the client or me. Therefore, I now focus solely on coaching. If a client like Sarah requires more emotional support, I encourage them to seek specialised counselling. This is because addressing the future without resolving past issues can be detrimental, and well-meaning coaches can inadvertently cause harm by not recognising these boundaries.
Insight from Experience: This experience underscored the importance of distinguishing between coaching and counselling, leading to a more effective practice where clients receive the most appropriate support form. This clear delineation helps me ensure that coaching is used when it is genuinely beneficial, preventing potential harm and fostering genuine progress.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
It might be time to reassess your situation if you're in a coaching relationship but have not seen the progress you anticipated. When applied correctly, coaching is a powerful tool for growth, but it is only suitable for some scenarios. To ensure you're on the right path, consider these actionable steps:
Reflect on Your Progress: Regularly assess what is and isn’t working in your coaching sessions.
Identify Emotional Blockers: Determine if emotional barriers are hindering your progress.
Seek Appropriate Support: Please ensure you receive the correct type of guidance, whether coaching or counselling, to address your specific needs effectively.
This challenge in coaching underscores why DareAhead integrates diverse helping solutions under one roof. Our vision is to provide a comprehensive platform for a ‘Life Architect’ to guide clients through various challenges. This holistic support structure is designed to facilitate genuine and sustainable growth, enabling our clients not just to progress but to celebrate life truly.
Having explored the critical distinction between coaching and counselling, let's delve into another subtle yet significant challenge that can impede coaching effectiveness: the overemphasis on tools. This issue often arises from a well-intentioned desire to provide tangible resources to clients but may inadvertently stifle the more profound understanding necessary for true transformation.
Focus on Tools Over Understanding
In my early coaching days, I relied heavily on worksheets, reading materials, self-assessments, and more tools to demonstrate change and build trust with clients like Jennifer. We felt a sense of progression as we busily engaged with these activities. Yet, this eagerness often masked a crucial oversight: the depth of understanding necessary for fundamental transformation was missing.
I vividly recall the sessions with Jennifer becoming counterproductive as she was overwhelmed by the tools, and this pivotal moment led me to shift away from an arsenal of techniques to what truly matters in coaching—listening and probing. These fundamental skills foster genuine understanding and growth.
Insight from Experience: This shift made me realise that not all clients thrive with standard tools. Instead, they require a personalised approach that helps them understand how to use the tools and why they are using them. It's about connecting the dots between their challenges and the tools to overcome them.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
If you find yourself swamped with tools in coaching sessions or need clarification on their relevance, it's crucial to pause and reflect. Here’s how you can deeply engage with the process to derive meaningful change:
Please understand Tool Purposes: I'd like you to please understand why each tool or technique is used and how it relates to your goals.
Engage Actively: Dive deeper into the tools used; refrain from passively participating. Ask questions and seek to understand the rationale behind each activity.
Be Patient with Results: Accept that real change is a gradual process. Tools are just part of the journey; they are aids, not quick fixes. The real change happens through continuous effort and personal growth.
Understanding the tools and fostering genuine engagement in coaching lead to another common issue: the Yes Dilemma. This arises when clients agree to plans or actions more to please their coach than from a commitment to their progress, highlighting a key area where deeper communication and honesty are needed for effective coaching.
The Yes Dilemma
In the early days of my coaching career, I had a client who always agreed with the courses of action we discussed. They often asked me, "Can you tell me what to do?" Eager to help, I offered various tools, and they happily agreed. Over time, however, I noticed a pattern: the client wouldn't stick to the agreed tasks. The commitments were sporadic, and it became clear they were agreeing to avoid hurting my feelings, not because they were committed to the action.
Insight from Experience: This realisation led me to change my approach. During our initial discussions, I clarified to clients that they have three options regarding my suggestions: Yes, No, or Adjust. I encourage my clients to review and refine their work. I tell them you can say yes or no or negotiate it up or down. I check and recheck when a client agrees with me. If the client needs clarification, I follow up more closely post-session to see if the tools align. And periodically in session and post-session, I emphasise that your honesty won’t hurt my feelings. On the contrary, I am hurt only when you aren’t transparent about your feelings and doubts, be it a tool, an emotion or a goal.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
If you worry about hurting your coach's feelings, please don't. A coach values and appreciates your honesty above all. The primary goal of coaching is to develop solutions that best suit your success, not to boost the coach's ego.
Please feel free to express your preferences when honestly responding to coaching suggestions. Whether it's a 'Yes,' a 'No,' or 'up/down,' your genuine input is crucial for tailoring the coaching to your needs.
Address Doubts and Concerns: If you have doubts or concerns about the suggested tasks or the coaching process, bring them up during sessions. This helps you adjust the approach to suit your comfort and goals better.
Understand the Importance of Honesty: Honesty helps build a more effective coaching relationship. Your coach is there to support you, not to judge, so sharing how you truly feel about the tasks or the process will only enhance your progress.
Building on the importance of honest communication and the proper application of coaching tools, let's explore another crucial aspect that defines the effectiveness of coaching relationships: the alignment of a coach's expertise with the client's specific needs.
Worlds Apart
As a coach, I rely on core skills, including probing, listening, challenging, guiding, motivating, empowering, and enabling. However, sometimes, during the consultation or initial sessions, it becomes apparent that my experience may only partially meet the client's needs. This isn't about emotional struggles but recognising that the client's requirements are outside my current scope of expertise.
I experienced this during a session where, despite a strong connection with the client, I struggled to effectively dissect their situation to help them find a way forward. I pride myself on my intuitive ability to help clients see their situations clearly and break them down into manageable parts. Yet, in this instance, I felt overwhelmed, like I was grasping for breath. It was a humbling realisation that I needed to gain knowledge about an aspect of the client's problem, which slowed down our progress. Thankfully, our strong relationship allowed us to maintain course.
Insight from Experience: This experience taught me the importance of ensuring a good fit between my expertise and the client's needs. It’s not that I can’t assist them; instead, it might take longer than it ideally should. I now make a more conscious effort to assess whether I can provide swift and practical help or if the client might benefit more quickly from a different coach with the right expertise.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
When you feel a disconnect between your needs and your coach’s expertise, remember that honest communication is vital. Coaches value your honesty, as it helps them better tailor their approach to suit your unique circumstances.
Express Your Context: Could you explain your challenges and background to help your coach understand your unique situation?
Seek Clarification When Confused: If a coach's explanation or strategy isn't clear, be honest and double-check if they have understood your world.
Consider a Specialist: If your needs exceed the coach’s expertise, seek a specialist to ensure you get the most effective support.
These steps are designed to maximise the effectiveness of your coaching sessions, ensuring that both you and your coach can maintain a productive relationship, even if it means transitioning to different expert guidance.
Conclusion
Effective coaching transcends problem-solving; it is a journey of mutual growth and adaptation. As we've explored throughout this blog, the essence of coaching lies in methodologies and the profound connections that foster actual development. This collaborative journey is pivotal for achieving lasting change.
Remember that this path is best walked together if you're committed to personal and professional growth. Let's continue to explore, adapt, and grow, turning each coaching session into a profound opportunity for enrichment.
Are you ready to start this transformative journey and fully embrace your potential? Join us at DareAhead, where we're dedicated to guiding you through each step of your evolution. Schedule your first session today and begin the journey to celebrating your life's fullest potential.
Imagine a room filled with the promise of transformation: a coach and a client sit across from each other, the air pulsing with anticipation. They are on the brink of a breakthrough, their collaboration ripe with potential. Yet, weeks later, the promise remains unfulfilled, the breakthrough unrealised. Why?
As a seasoned coach, this confounding yet familiar scenario propelled me to delve deep into the mysteries behind such stagnation. Through this exploration, I've gained insights that have profoundly transformed both my coaching approach and the outcomes of my sessions.
This blog is tailored for anyone curious about personal coaching—whether you're considering hiring a coach, currently engaging with one, or simply seeking to understand how effective coaching can dramatically transform lives.
Challenges in coaching partnerships often stem from a fundamental misunderstanding of what coaching is intended to achieve. This realisation spurred me to address one of the most common yet overlooked pitfalls in coaching: the misapplication of the coaching model itself.
Misapplication of the Coaching Model
Early in my coaching career, I met "Sarah," who grappled with issues that extended beyond the typical scope of a coaching partnership. It quickly became apparent that Sarah needed more than coaching; she required counselling to navigate her emotional challenges before she could benefit from coaching techniques. With my background in psychology and counselling, I initially helped her address these emotional issues.
However, I soon realised there were more effective approaches than blending counselling and coaching for the client or me. Therefore, I now focus solely on coaching. If a client like Sarah requires more emotional support, I encourage them to seek specialised counselling. This is because addressing the future without resolving past issues can be detrimental, and well-meaning coaches can inadvertently cause harm by not recognising these boundaries.
Insight from Experience: This experience underscored the importance of distinguishing between coaching and counselling, leading to a more effective practice where clients receive the most appropriate support form. This clear delineation helps me ensure that coaching is used when it is genuinely beneficial, preventing potential harm and fostering genuine progress.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
It might be time to reassess your situation if you're in a coaching relationship but have not seen the progress you anticipated. When applied correctly, coaching is a powerful tool for growth, but it is only suitable for some scenarios. To ensure you're on the right path, consider these actionable steps:
Reflect on Your Progress: Regularly assess what is and isn’t working in your coaching sessions.
Identify Emotional Blockers: Determine if emotional barriers are hindering your progress.
Seek Appropriate Support: Please ensure you receive the correct type of guidance, whether coaching or counselling, to address your specific needs effectively.
This challenge in coaching underscores why DareAhead integrates diverse helping solutions under one roof. Our vision is to provide a comprehensive platform for a ‘Life Architect’ to guide clients through various challenges. This holistic support structure is designed to facilitate genuine and sustainable growth, enabling our clients not just to progress but to celebrate life truly.
Having explored the critical distinction between coaching and counselling, let's delve into another subtle yet significant challenge that can impede coaching effectiveness: the overemphasis on tools. This issue often arises from a well-intentioned desire to provide tangible resources to clients but may inadvertently stifle the more profound understanding necessary for true transformation.
Focus on Tools Over Understanding
In my early coaching days, I relied heavily on worksheets, reading materials, self-assessments, and more tools to demonstrate change and build trust with clients like Jennifer. We felt a sense of progression as we busily engaged with these activities. Yet, this eagerness often masked a crucial oversight: the depth of understanding necessary for fundamental transformation was missing.
I vividly recall the sessions with Jennifer becoming counterproductive as she was overwhelmed by the tools, and this pivotal moment led me to shift away from an arsenal of techniques to what truly matters in coaching—listening and probing. These fundamental skills foster genuine understanding and growth.
Insight from Experience: This shift made me realise that not all clients thrive with standard tools. Instead, they require a personalised approach that helps them understand how to use the tools and why they are using them. It's about connecting the dots between their challenges and the tools to overcome them.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
If you find yourself swamped with tools in coaching sessions or need clarification on their relevance, it's crucial to pause and reflect. Here’s how you can deeply engage with the process to derive meaningful change:
Please understand Tool Purposes: I'd like you to please understand why each tool or technique is used and how it relates to your goals.
Engage Actively: Dive deeper into the tools used; refrain from passively participating. Ask questions and seek to understand the rationale behind each activity.
Be Patient with Results: Accept that real change is a gradual process. Tools are just part of the journey; they are aids, not quick fixes. The real change happens through continuous effort and personal growth.
Understanding the tools and fostering genuine engagement in coaching lead to another common issue: the Yes Dilemma. This arises when clients agree to plans or actions more to please their coach than from a commitment to their progress, highlighting a key area where deeper communication and honesty are needed for effective coaching.
The Yes Dilemma
In the early days of my coaching career, I had a client who always agreed with the courses of action we discussed. They often asked me, "Can you tell me what to do?" Eager to help, I offered various tools, and they happily agreed. Over time, however, I noticed a pattern: the client wouldn't stick to the agreed tasks. The commitments were sporadic, and it became clear they were agreeing to avoid hurting my feelings, not because they were committed to the action.
Insight from Experience: This realisation led me to change my approach. During our initial discussions, I clarified to clients that they have three options regarding my suggestions: Yes, No, or Adjust. I encourage my clients to review and refine their work. I tell them you can say yes or no or negotiate it up or down. I check and recheck when a client agrees with me. If the client needs clarification, I follow up more closely post-session to see if the tools align. And periodically in session and post-session, I emphasise that your honesty won’t hurt my feelings. On the contrary, I am hurt only when you aren’t transparent about your feelings and doubts, be it a tool, an emotion or a goal.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
If you worry about hurting your coach's feelings, please don't. A coach values and appreciates your honesty above all. The primary goal of coaching is to develop solutions that best suit your success, not to boost the coach's ego.
Please feel free to express your preferences when honestly responding to coaching suggestions. Whether it's a 'Yes,' a 'No,' or 'up/down,' your genuine input is crucial for tailoring the coaching to your needs.
Address Doubts and Concerns: If you have doubts or concerns about the suggested tasks or the coaching process, bring them up during sessions. This helps you adjust the approach to suit your comfort and goals better.
Understand the Importance of Honesty: Honesty helps build a more effective coaching relationship. Your coach is there to support you, not to judge, so sharing how you truly feel about the tasks or the process will only enhance your progress.
Building on the importance of honest communication and the proper application of coaching tools, let's explore another crucial aspect that defines the effectiveness of coaching relationships: the alignment of a coach's expertise with the client's specific needs.
Worlds Apart
As a coach, I rely on core skills, including probing, listening, challenging, guiding, motivating, empowering, and enabling. However, sometimes, during the consultation or initial sessions, it becomes apparent that my experience may only partially meet the client's needs. This isn't about emotional struggles but recognising that the client's requirements are outside my current scope of expertise.
I experienced this during a session where, despite a strong connection with the client, I struggled to effectively dissect their situation to help them find a way forward. I pride myself on my intuitive ability to help clients see their situations clearly and break them down into manageable parts. Yet, in this instance, I felt overwhelmed, like I was grasping for breath. It was a humbling realisation that I needed to gain knowledge about an aspect of the client's problem, which slowed down our progress. Thankfully, our strong relationship allowed us to maintain course.
Insight from Experience: This experience taught me the importance of ensuring a good fit between my expertise and the client's needs. It’s not that I can’t assist them; instead, it might take longer than it ideally should. I now make a more conscious effort to assess whether I can provide swift and practical help or if the client might benefit more quickly from a different coach with the right expertise.
Solutions for Enhancing Coaching Effectiveness:
When you feel a disconnect between your needs and your coach’s expertise, remember that honest communication is vital. Coaches value your honesty, as it helps them better tailor their approach to suit your unique circumstances.
Express Your Context: Could you explain your challenges and background to help your coach understand your unique situation?
Seek Clarification When Confused: If a coach's explanation or strategy isn't clear, be honest and double-check if they have understood your world.
Consider a Specialist: If your needs exceed the coach’s expertise, seek a specialist to ensure you get the most effective support.
These steps are designed to maximise the effectiveness of your coaching sessions, ensuring that both you and your coach can maintain a productive relationship, even if it means transitioning to different expert guidance.
Conclusion
Effective coaching transcends problem-solving; it is a journey of mutual growth and adaptation. As we've explored throughout this blog, the essence of coaching lies in methodologies and the profound connections that foster actual development. This collaborative journey is pivotal for achieving lasting change.
Remember that this path is best walked together if you're committed to personal and professional growth. Let's continue to explore, adapt, and grow, turning each coaching session into a profound opportunity for enrichment.
Are you ready to start this transformative journey and fully embrace your potential? Join us at DareAhead, where we're dedicated to guiding you through each step of your evolution. Schedule your first session today and begin the journey to celebrating your life's fullest potential.
Sony Thomas
Holistic Coach
